(Ezra is standing. He keeps standing up and sitting down. His hands won't stay still. When he speaks it tumbles out.)

A fictional character Telling. Meet Ezra Finch.

I'm not meant to be here. I know you're going to tell me that everyone says that. I still mean it.

I was twenty-nine. I was walking home. It was raining. The rain is not the point. The point is that my brother — my brother Tom — my brother Tom had sat up with me one night, years before, when I was in a very bad way, and he stayed until morning, and I said — I said I'd pay it back. An hour, I said. Any hour you like. You call it, I'll come. He laughed and said he'd cash it one day. He never cashed it. He never asked. That was the worst part — he wasn't holding it over me. I was holding it over myself.

I meant to do it on the Saturday. That Saturday, the one after. I had it in my diary. I'd written it — Tom, 3 p.m., walk — in pencil. I was going to go to his house and give him the hour back even if he didn't remember the debt. Especially if he didn't remember. I wanted him to have it.

And then I was walking home and a van came round the corner — and —

I woke up here. Here being — (gestures at the air) — here.

They've given me a desk. They've been kind. I'm meant to be writing to him. I know he can't read it. I know. But the Veiled one at the door — Tharien — said it doesn't matter if he reads it, it matters if I write it.

I can't write it.

Every time I start, I think: if I finish, I'll cross. That's what resolving an anchor does. It lets you go. And I don't want to cross. I want to go home and sit on his couch and give him the hour. I want that. Not the next life. This one. The hour I owe him.

So I've been writing the letter badly on purpose.

I know that's stupid. I know I'm making it worse. I know Tharien knows. They haven't said anything. They're waiting for me to notice I'm doing it.

I've noticed. I'm telling you I've noticed.

I still can't finish it.

Visual

Young Englishman, late twenties, in shirt-sleeves, collar unbuttoned, hair unruly, face bewildered. Edges blur when he moves too fast. Holds a folded unfinished letter.

Faction: The Veil · View the Gallery